


I'm not in control

by MaddieandChimney



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: F/M, mentions or implications of parental neglect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 08:35:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25467871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddieandChimney/pseuds/MaddieandChimney
Summary: Chimney doesn't understand why Maddie won't tell her parents that she's pregnant.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 1
Kudos: 43
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales, Madney One-Shots





	I'm not in control

Maddie lets out a frustrated sigh, “I don’t talk to them about anything, why would I talk to them about this?”

“Because they’re your parents, Maddie and they deserve to know they’re going to be grandparents!”

“Why? Give me one good reason why they deserve to know anything about me or my life or Buck’s life. Because they sure as hell aren’t coming anywhere near our daughter.” She is stubborn, possibly one of the most stubborn people he’s ever met and he usually adores that about her but right then, he hates it.

“Don’t you think it’s time to forgive them? I don’t have parents, we’re going to need—” He tries, flinching only when she slams her hand down on the counter with such intensity he’s sure that had to have hurt.

“No! Don’t you _dare_ tell me who to forgive, you don’t get to do that! We don’t need anyone, we have a family. A family here in LA who love us and who will be there for us and who won’t judge us. So, don’t you ever tell me what to do again.” Chimney grimaces, taking a step away from her as he scratches the back of his head. Nothing he says is coming out right and he can feel his chest beginning to tighten; he’s gotten everything so wrong from the moment it was even brought up. He’d just thought, now that she was twenty-two weeks pregnant with a very healthy baby girl, she’d want to tell her mom.

“Okay.” He finally says, with a shrug of his shoulders, trying not to look as defeated as he felt right then. He doesn’t completely understand why it means so much to him – he knows she doesn’t get on with either them although he’s relatively clueless as to why. Neither of the Buckley siblings talk about their childhoods, which is unusual, they’re so open about everything else which only makes him think of the worst. The tension in his chest is growing even more, his heart beating against his chest as his fists clench and his nails dig into his palms. She had told him once that their parents weren’t bad people, just bad parents but she had lied to him before.

He thinks that’ll be over, the argument can end and they can go back to cooking like they had been before he brought it up. Instead, she lets out a frustrated noise, “Don’t do that, either! Shut down because you think it’s going to trigger me. Stop arguing because you think I’m right or because you want to not because you think it’s the right thing to do.”

Chimney wants to roll his eyes, if he wasn’t feeling the panic rising through him with each passing second. If his body would just move and he could bring himself to shout, he would, he’s paralysed in every way possible. “Argue with me!” She finally screams, betrayed only by the tears falling down her face when she looks at him.

“I can’t do this.” He finally manages to get out, knowing that nothing he says (or doesn’t say) is going to be right. Hormones are raging through her body whilst sheer panic rises through his.

“What the fuck is that meant to mean?” With a shake of his head, Chimney pushes past her gently, practically running towards the bathroom, “Howard?”

He slams the door behind him, turning the lock just as quickly as he had managed to shut the door, “Howie?”

. 

By the time her eyes open, she doesn’t know how long it’s been since she had left her boyfriend in the bathroom. Maddie rests a hand on her stomach, groaning when she sits up and her eyes settle on the clock next to his side of the bed, realising for the first time that he’s not there next to her.

It’s three in the morning, their argument had been six hours ago and if he was still in the bathroom… Maddie tries not to let her mind go there, her heart clenching uncomfortably as the tears threaten to fall. If he’s aspirated whilst she’s been sleeping, she’s not sure she’ll ever be able to let go of that level of guilt, knowing she’s the reason he’d even locked himself in the bathroom in the first place.

Her entire body is shaking right up until the moment she knocks on the bathroom door, hand moving to her chest as she leans her forehead against the cool wood, “Howie?” She whispers, her knocks becoming more frantic by the second until suddenly, she finds herself stumbling into his arms the moment the door swings open. It’s overwhelming relief at first, until she pulls back and looks into his tired eyes. “Y-you fell asleep in here? You wanted to avoid me that bad?”

It hurts to even think about and she forgets why she had even gotten up in the first place, biting down on her trembling lips. “No, I just fell asleep. Period.”

It doesn’t hurt any less, but she nods her head, sensing the tone in his voice, “I-I need to pee…” She finally whispers, doing everything she can to stop herself from crying as she gulps down the lump in her throat. He only nods, easily pushing past her as he had done in the kitchen hours before, until she’s alone again.

The pain only worsens when, barely two minutes later, she’s walking into their bedroom, only to find him still not in the bed. She’s fucked up, she had wanted an argument, she had wanted to push him into shouting at her because that was real, right? She didn’t want him to hold back just because of who she had been married to before. Only, she guesses that the reason wasn’t _hers_ , he had been in the midst of a panic attack and she hadn’t even noticed. Too caught up in her own childhood (and adulthood) trauma to see what was right in front of her.

Maddie cautiously plods to the living room, knowing it’s the only other place he could have gone, her suspicions confirmed when she sees him on the couch. Already on his back, his eyes closed, a light snore filling the otherwise silent apartment. It makes her pout, eyes welling with unshed tears because she knows how exhausted he must have been to fall asleep so quickly.

Chimney has never hurt her, she has no reason to be scared of him or even wary, so she finds herself moving to the couch to practically throw herself on top of his sleeping body. She lets out a huff as she does, lips pressing to his neck, and then up towards his ear, and then just below his still closed eyelid. “M’sorry.” Maddie snuggles a little more into him, smiling when his arms wrap around her waist. “Sore subject… for both of us, I know and I’m sorry. But Buck and I made a promise to each other a long time ago that we wouldn’t let our kids grow up the same way we did and for me, that means not having either of them in my life.”

Maddie tilts her head up, to check he’s still awake, to be met with his open eyes and a slightly panicked expression on his face. “It’s okay. I’m okay—I just… I never told you this because we were taking a minute and you had your own stuff to deal with. But they never came… with everything that happened with Doug but they went to his funeral. Not even because they liked him because they didn’t, they absolutely hated him but—they’re religious and they’re old-school, they have their beliefs and anyone who sits outside of those beliefs or who have a different opinion to them, offend them in some way I’ve never been able to understand. I haven’t spoken to them since… and then Buck got crushed by a fire truck and he could have done with his parents. So, I sucked it up and I phoned them for him and they… they hung up on me.”

She sighs, “And I’m sorry I let you try and argue your point with barely half the information, so… that was on me. I didn’t realise you were—panicking… I-I didn’t… I’m sorry but please don’t ask me to forgive them. I can get over them hurting me, I can because I’m the eldest and I’m used to it. But my little brother? We promised each other that we were done with them and we meant it. This baby deserves better, and you know what? So do I and so does Buck… and you with your dad, _you_ deserve better. And we have it.”

Chimney takes a deep breath, groaning as he turns their bodies until they’re both laying on their sides, fingers crawling down her body until his hand rests on her stomach. “I just felt backed into a corner, I had started the argument and finishing it seemed easier. I’d have argued a little more if I knew me shouting at you meant that much.” He can’t help it, a small smirk on his face, his lips moving to hers for just a second, before he sighs. “I can’t let a pregnant woman sleep on the couch though, so can we talk about this more in the morning? I have a billion questions and my mind is way too tired to comprehend.”

“Y-you’re coming to bed though, right?” Her voice is small, almost scared of the answer after just pouring her heart out to him before she relaxes when he nods his head.

“I love you, Maddie.”

“Well that’s good, how else would you put up with the Buckley drama?” 


End file.
